Metroid: M-Other
by Starbound Huntress
Summary: Samus is bored after she defeats Mother Brain and escapes Zebes, so she intercepts a distress signal and tries to go on an adventure. Unfortunately, she has to deal with creepy officers, silly-looking monsters, and her old commander! Will having fun ever be authorized for this poor bounty hunter? (A parody of Metroid: Other M) Chapter 3 up!
1. Chapter 1: A Really Stupid Name

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Metroid franchise or any characters mentioned. Everything is the intellectual property of Nintendo.**

**Hey everyone, Maddiek18 here with my first Metroid fanfic! So while I was browsing through this category, I found some short Metroid: Other M parodies, which were pretty funny! We all have our own stance of the game itself, but I wanted to try making a full-length parody of it. **

**Remember; I'm writing this out of love, which is not to say that I love the game, Metroid: Other M, (there's quite a lot of things wrong with it, actually) but the Metroid franchise as a whole. I just wanted to say that, in case someone gets offended at the content of this parody. On a positive note; Nintendo, this is a great series you've got going. Don't give up on it now!**

**And with that, enjoy everyone!**

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Chapter 1: A Really Stupid Name

Samus opened her eyes. "Why am I still alive?" she questioned. She was being suspended in the air by the Metroid. "The baby..." It was somehow giving her energy, but Mother Brain attacked it relentlessly. Finally, the baby was destroyed, dropping Samus. Pieces of the Metroid landed grotesquely onto her tattered Varia Suit. Time seemed to slow down as she dramatically caught one of them.

She landed on the ground and got up. "Mother..." Samus charged up a shot. "Time to go!" she yelled. She fired it at Mother Brain, which made it explode. "Well, that was easier than expected!" Samus noted as she ran away from falling debris, the whole station shaking violently around her, about to self-destruct.

"Hey...this is bullcrap!" Samus yelled at the screen. She hit the pause button on the remote control. "This wasn't how it went at all! They got my suit color wrong and there's no rainbow lasers of death! My voice doesn't even sound like that!" She turned off the TV. "Whatever, I'm going to sleep," she put the ship on autopilot and fell asleep right away.

Samus woke up in a quarantine bay. She had an oxygen mask over her face. "Where am I?" she wondered. "Okay, Samus. Everything's normal," a quarantine officer said via hologram. The oxygen mask lifted up. "Who the heck are you?" she questioned. "That's none of your concern. Now try sitting up." the officer commanded. "No! And stop ignoring me!" Samus said irritably. She continued to lay down on the dentist-like chair because she felt like it.

Suddenly, she felt a shock course through her body. "Ow!" she yelped. "I told you; get up, Samus," the pushy officer said calmly. He lifted his glasses, so the light reflected off the lenses in a creepy manner. "Okay, okay. Geez, what's with these stupid chairs?" she asked grumpily. She sat up and rubbed her backside. "We had electricity nodes embedded into them. Pretty smart idea, right?" the officer informed, seeming way too happy about it. "Sure...freaks," she muttered.

"Come on, Samus. Let's go next door," the officer suggested. But Samus didn't really have a choice, mostly because she was afraid of what they'd do to her if she didn't. So she nodded and walked to the next room. The room was large and had an observation area high above the ground. The creepy officer was already there. "Right, let's get started," he commanded, but Samus didn't need to be told twice. She hated being in the Zero Suit because of...obvious reasons. In a flashy transformation that was way too amazing to put into words, her Power Suit materialized around her.

"How about a little test, huh?" the officer asked. "How about no?" Samus snarkily replied, feeling more confident inside her suit. She tried to fire a missile at the observation glass, but realized that she was out. "Dammit," she cursed under her breath. The officer smiled creepily. "Nice try, Samus. But we had your suit changed so that you can't fire missiles until we tell you to." Samus then tried to shoot a charge beam at him, but it bounced off the glass and hit her instead, knocking her over. "Oww..." she whined, getting up and rubbing her backside (which didn't even make sense because she was wearing her suit.) But even worse was that the stupid officer saw it all. "Ah, whatever," Samus thought. "By now, I pretty much have no shame anyways."

_Samus shot open the portal, having just returned from Dark Aether with the reacquired boost ball. "Oh yeah yeah! Who's the boss? I'm the boss! Yeah, who's the boss? I'm the boss, oh yeah!" Samus sang in an off-key manner. She went into boost ball mode and began boosting all around the canyon, running into walls and enemies. She then boosted off a cliff, but it didn't matter. She got up and started jumping everywhere and shooting missiles at the wall._

_ Meanwhile, two Luminoths were sitting on a rocky ledge high above the canyon Samus was in. They peered over the side and took in the sight. After awhile, one asked, "are you sure she's our chosen savior?" A pause, then, "I'm having my doubts."_

Samus felt another shock go through her body. "Hey, what was that for?!" she yelled indignantly. "I have no idea," the officer deadpanned. "Are you ready to cooperate now?" The bounty hunter sighed in defeat. "Yeah, sure."

ONE TUTORIAL LATER...

"Whelp, time to go to the meeting room, I guess," Samus thought, walking through the corridor. She arrived at the locked door, but she already knew what to do. She stepped onto the super high-tech scanner, which went through the super high-tech procedure of using full body lasers and eye holograph identification. It was a super high-tech process.

"I always feel strangely violated every time that happens," Samus revealed. The door unlocked, and she headed in. In a scene that totally didn't rip off Star Wars, Samus stood in the middle of a conference-like room while everyone clapped and told her how great she was...

"_Samus, you're so awesome!"_

"_Congratulations on single-handedly blowing up a planet, Samus!"_

"_Tell us what it's like to be such a badass!"_

"_Marry me, Samus!"_

_The hunter bowed dramatically. "Thank you, thank you, adoring fans!" she cried. "As your new savior, you must send all paychecks of Federation Credits to me...if you wish to avoid my wrath!" She fired a missile in the air as a warning. She walked slowly and dramatically the door, but heard a 'thump' sound behind her. It was a man who fell to the ground with hearts in his eyes. Literally. Bits of his heart were actually in his eyes. "Eww," Samus exclaimed. "Didn't think that would actually hit someone." _

"...so we agreed to send you the payment of 1,000 Federation Credits in one decacycle," one of the officials concluded. Samus didn't respond. "Did you hear what I said, Aran?" he asked impatiently. "Hmm?" Samus asked. The official sighed and rubbed his temple. "Look, we're gonna send you money...just not immediately," he reiterated.

"Hmp! I think you guys should send me the money now!" Samus exclaimed. She was sick and tired of the Galactic Federation promising to send her the credits "sometime in the future." The whole board of officials sighed collectively. It was apparent that their greatest employee was also the most demanding. But it was a small price to pay for having Samus Aran on your side. " Look, just be glad we're paying you, okay?" one of them said impatiently.

"And just be glad you're all not dead!" Samus countered sharply. "What if I just so happen to intercept an emergency signal with a dumb name, then redirect my flight path for no apparent reason except that the signal might've been meant for me? What'll you do then?" Samus asked. She was met with blank stares. The best was also a little crazy, one of the officials noted.

Samus closed her eyes. "I'm soo-o bored!" she exclaimed. She spun around in her spinny pilot's chair. "There's no planets to blow up, no monsters to fight...what am s'posed do?" As if on cue, a message appeared on the ship's main screen. "Incoming distress signal?" she wondered. It read, "Baby's Cry." Samus spat out the Dr. Pepper she was drinking. "Pahahaha! What kind of name is that?" she asked. "Well, at least it's got my attention, so I guess it worked!" The location of the distress signal flashed across the screen. "Wait...it's coming from...the Bottle Ship?" she read. She facepalmed.

"This is gonna be the worst adventure ever..."


	2. Chapter 2: Some Soldier Guys

**Maddiek18 here with a new update! This chapter came quite fast compared to my normal updating speed, which is good! I realized that I really enjoy writing in a parody style, something that I hadn't done before. **

**While I genuinely like writing this, I need to know if you guys like reading this as well. Obviously, I wouldn't have posted this on Fanfiction if I didn't want feedback. So, if you would be so kind as to leave a quick review, I would really appreciate it! **

**With that, enjoy chapter 2 of Metroid M-Other!**

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Chapter 2: Some Soldier Guys

Samus sighed as she was lowered from her gunship on a small platform. "You know, I miss my old ship," she said. "It was so much cooler when I jumped out the top of it and looked like a boss." As she walked up to the entrance of the Bottle Ship, she noticed the Galactic Federation logo on the wall. "Oh, great. Don't tell me I'm gonna have to deal with these guys. And ESPECIALLY not That One Guy!" Samus exclaimed, opening the door.

For no apparent reason, she began running through the corridors as fast as she could. Just to be flashy, she jumped through the connecting door and did a little roll, only to come face-to-face with some men pointing guns at her. But it really didn't matter, though, since they were just GF soldiers. And more importantly, THAT ONE GUY was with them!

"Ah, fancy meetin' you here, princess!" said a totally-not-stereotypical black guy. He pushed aside the other soldiers, coming to the front. "Remember me?"

Samus blinked.

He blinked.

Samus blinked.

He blinked.

Samus blinked.

He blinked.

Samus scratched her helmet. "Hmm...well, I don't remember anyone stupid enough to call me Princess..."

_Samus Aran speedwalked through the corridors of the Federation platform she was stationed on. The young cadet was fuming from an incident that happened at her squad's mission briefing. That stupid Adam had called her "Lady" again! She didn't know if he was being sarcastic, or mocking her, or whatever, but he sure was annoying! _

_Lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice that she ran into an extremely tall, black man. "Whoa there, princess!" he said, grabbing her by the shoulders and moving her aside condescendingly. "Ohh, not you, too!" Samus whined. "I'm sick of people doing this! In fact, I'm gonna teach you a lesson right now, punk!" she threatened. The young hunter attempted to punch him in the face, but her fist bounced off his chest instead._

_"Aahhhhh," Samus sang out in pain, cradling her hand. "How...are you so strong? And tall?" she asked. The guy was dumbfounded from her attempted assault. "Um...good genetics?" he guessed. "Bull!" Samus accused. "I have the best genetics around, and I don't even come up to your shoulder!"_

_ "Hm..." the guy thought, not really paying attention. "Best genetics around, you say? Why don't we test that in my bedroom?" he said seductively. "There's lots of, er, candy in there." Young, naïve Samus nodded her head. "I'm not quite sure that's how it works, but okay!" __The two went into the guy's bedroom. "You know, you're really beautiful, princess," the guy said, attempting to kiss her, but she turned away. He dragged her to the bed, and one thing led to another..._

_Obviously, it ended with Samus in full armor and the guy, named Anthony, in the hospital with a concussion and two broken arms. Samus blew off smoke from her arm cannon as she left. "Poor bastard," she chuckled._

"Ah, good times," Samus reminisced to herself. "Um, I mean...nope! Not gettin' anything! But it's okay, I can just scan you with my visor's built-in Wikipedia!" she tried to use her scanner, but she couldn't.

"Hey, I can't scan stuff anymore!" She immediately realized why. "It was that quarantine officer, wasn't it?!" Ooh, I swear, when I get my hands on that filthy little dog, that son of a -"

The GF soldiers all stood there awkwardly as Samus ranted to herself. Anthony backed away slowly. "Um, this doesn't have anything to with me anymore, does it?" he asked the others. Ignoring the hunter's tantrum, That One Guy walked to the front. "Don't worry," he said calmly. "I'll handle this."

Approaching Samus, he brandished his Federation-standard stun gun. Slowly, he raised it to her helmet, but Samus didn't notice. His finger was on the trigger, ready to fire, but then...

"Ahaha! Did you guys really think I was gonna shoot her?" he asked his men. No response. "I would never shoot a LADY like Samus!" By then, said hunter finished her rant and noticed her former commanding officer standing there "Oh, hey Adam, what are you do-"

"PSYCH!" the commander yelled, shooting Samus. Poor Samus fell to the ground and died.

THE END

FIN


	3. Chapter 3: Samus the Miniboss Slayer

**Maddiek18 here! Yes, I know I ended the previous chapter on a cliffhanger, which was for comedic effect (not for drama.) You probably knew that wasn't the real ending for Metroid M-Other. After all, I said that I planned to parody the whole game!**

**On another note, thank you for the total of...2 reviews. *Reads them* Gee... thanks, guys... No, but in all seriousness, I really appreciate any reviews I get. I understand the "Metroid" category isn't the most...active one around, but that's okay! ****I love doing this, and I'd never hold a story "hostage" for reviews like some writers do.**

**So with that, enjoy this pleasantly long chapter! It took me awhile, so I hope you like it!**

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Chapter 3: Samus the Miniboss Slayer

PSYCH!

Samus wasn't fazed in the slightest by Adam's assault.

"..." she was silent for a moment, staring at the commander. Adam gulped. "Um," he began backing away slowly when the angry hunter raised her arm cannon. She chuckled menacingly as she charged up a shot.

"Wait!" the commander yelled, arms up in surrender. "We just need your help, okay?!" Samus didn't move. Silence. "Well?" she said expectantly, tapping her metal-clad foot.

"Yes, well..." Adam started, suddenly looked very sheepish. "This is embarrassing is say, but uh, we can't...open...the door," he muttered, pointing to a sealed metal door behind him.

Everyone in the room was silent. Samus looked at the soldiers strangely. "So..." she said slowly. "You're saying you need me...just to open that door?" she asked. Adam nodded. Suddenly, an explosion made everyone jump.

"Lyle!" The soldiers yelled. Lyle just smiled manically and stood by the sealed door, ready to plant another bomb. The explosion apparently didn't affect him at all. The soldiers gathered around the door to see. The smoke cleared away, but the door was still shut.

"Hehe, looks like BOMBS won't work!" Lyle screamed. "We'll have to BURN our way through! BURN the door! Hehehe!" He reached for a plasma cannon, but Anthony took it away. "As you can see, explosives don't seem to work," he explained to Samus.

Lyle turned to Samus, having just noticed she was there. "Hey, yellow-suit lady, do you have something that can BURN the door?!" he asked. "I had a flamethrower one time," Samus remarked offhandedly. Lyle's eyes grew large with childlike excitement. "REALLY?!" he asked. "Yep!" Samus nodded.

"_Gee, the Phazon mines sure are BORING around here!" Samus said loudly, rolling her eyes. She fought off a few stray pirates and continued down the bleak corridor. She noticed a glowing red door near the end. "Oh hey, a plasma door," she remarked, shooting it open._

_On the other side, Samus saw the familiar glow of a suit upgrade. "Ooh, gimme!" she ran to absorb the upgrade. A message flashed on her visor. "Flamethrower acquired?" Samus asked. "Hmm..."_

_Meanwhile, two Space Pirates were walking along in the main mining quarry. "The science guys are doin' great, Bob! How're you with the tech guys?" one asked the other. "Oh, you know. Lotsa bumps in the road for us. I guess we just need to-" _

_Bob stopped abruptly. "Hey, is that smoke over there?" he asked the other pirate. He pointed to the top sector of the mines. "Yeah, it is," the other confirmed. "What's goin' on?" Upon closer inspection, they realized that the whole mining sector was on fire!_

_Without even asking, they both knew. "Curse you, Samus Aran! Death to the Hunter!" they cried, shaking their claws skyward._

"_Ehehehe!" Samus giggled gleefully as she set more space pirates on fire, oblivious to the smell of smoke and burning debris around her._

"Ah, those were fun times," she sighed. "The problem is, I don't have it anymore." Lyle's shoulders slumped "Ohhhhh," he said, deflated. "Um, you still didn't say how you planned to make the door open," Anthony pointed out.

"Oh right!" Samus suddenly remembered what she was supposed to do. "Hmm..." she said, tapping her helmet. "I don't actually know if this will work or not, but-" she pointed her arm cannon at the door. A missile shot out and hit the red barrier wall, shattering it.

Samus looked just as surprised as Adam and the GF soldiers. "Hey, I can't believe that actually worked!" she exclaimed. "Whoa! Yellow-suit just EXPLODED that door!" Lyle screamed.

Another soldier, Maurice, pushed open the doors without saying anything. The others followed him into the next room, ignoring Samus.

"Geez...you're WELCOME, guys!" she yelled. She didn't feel like following them, so she decided to do some exploring herself. Little did she know, there wasn't much to explore on the bottle ship anyway...

A FEW MINUTES LATER...

"I can now safely conclude...that this is the most boring ship ever!" Samus said confidently. Lacking anything else to do, she decided to meet up with the soldiers again.

After a few minutes of non-exploring, she found them crowded around the mangled body of a researcher. "He's dead," Maurice stated. Samus snickered. "Yeah, no dip, Sherlock," she muttered, but everyone ignored her.

Suddenly, the body twitched. "Woah!" the soldiers exclaimed, backing away. A purple bug crawled out from under it. They all stared at it until Lyle punted it into the air.

"Kill it with FIRE!" he screamed. He began shooting at the bug and laughing manically. He didn't stop even when the poor bug exploded. "Lyle!" Maurice yelled. "Enough!" Lyle reluctantly ceased fire.

"Um, Adam?" Samus asked. Adam looked up at her. "Clearly, this place is pretty messed up," she declared. "I think I'm gonna stick around with you guys for now." Adam nodded, but something else caught his attention. Following his line of sight, Samus and the soldiers saw many purple bugs crawling out of the walls!

"They're crawling out of the walls!" Maurice (Captain Obvious) yelled. Everyone loaded their stun guns while Samus readied her arm cannon. Suddenly, the bugs grouped together to form a giant monster! It was purple, had one eye, and two floppy arms.

Everyone stared in awe until Adam yelled, "open fire!" And so they did. But as expected, their Federation-standard stun guns were like pea shooters against the monster. "Nothing's working!" Anthony yelled, even though they only tried one type of weapon so far.

"Listen up!" Adam commanded. "Freeze guns authorized!" The platoon switched to their pistol-like freeze guns. Everyone was so engrossed with the battle at hand; no one noticed that Samus still hadn't fired a single shot.

She just stood there, staring at the purple monster. "Hee hee," she chuckled, too quiet for anyone to hear. "Hahaha!" she laughed, louder. Anthony, who was beside her, heard it. "Hey!" he called, still firing his freeze gun. "What are you-"

"PAHAHAHA!" Samus guffawed, cutting him off. "You guys are IDIOTS!" she accused. Adam frowned. "Lady, this isn't the time for-" Samus cut him off. "No, no, no, the EYE! It's always the eye!" she explained, shooting at the monster's eye. Sure enough, the monster reeled backwards, taking damage from the assault.

Adam and the others observed, fascinated. "It seems she's right," the commander confirmed. He and his men followed the hunter's lead, aiming for the eye. "How did you know it's weakness so quickly?" Adam asked.

"Trust me, I've travelled the galaxy and farther," Samus assured him confidently. "I picked up on these things over time."

The wise hunter continued to shoot at the monster's eye, alternating between charged shots and missiles. "Wait!" Adam yelled. "I didn't authorize you to use missiles yet!"

Samus didn't so much as look his way. "Psh, who said you were authorizing me? I didn't," she replied snarkily, now shooting only missiles just to annoy him. The older commander rolled his eyes. She would be the death of him yet.

Eventually, everyone shot the monster's eye so much that it popped out of its body! "Eww!" Samus exclaimed, instinctively shooting a missile at the wiggly, disembodied eye. It exploded.

And so Samus and Platoon 7 (but mostly Samus) finally managed to kill the silly-looking bug monster. Adam approached her, taking off his helmet. "It looks like we need your help, lady," he admitted.

"Yeah!" Samus agreed. "Of course you need my help! You guys almost got crushed back there! For me alone, that would've been...eh, miniboss level," she decided.

Adam raised his eyebrow. "Um, right," he said slowly. "W-well, you still have to listen to what I say!" He tried to keep some level of authority, but Samus didn't notice at all. "Sure!" she exclaimed, patting the commander on the shoulder. "It'll be just like old times, right, old buddy?" she asked cheerfully.

_In the briefing room, a row of tall, buff men stood in a straight line. However, at the very end of the line, a short, petite teenage girl could be seen instead. They were all listening to Commander Malkovich, who was giving them a mission briefing. _

_The men all wore serious expressions (except Anthony, who was laughing, as usual) as Malkovich described a mission where they had to "rescue survivors," or something._

_At least, that's how young Samus heard it. She didn't actually listen to him. She didn't feel like it. She quickly realized that she could do whatever she wanted and screw up all of her missions if she felt like it. The Feds had to keep her on, no matter what. Why? _

_She was the best, plain and simple. A lot to learn? Psh, yeah right. The Chozo-trained hunter knew it all. Failed missions and immature practical jokes involving the bathroom were a small price to pay to have the best on your side._

"_And that's it," Adam concluded, snapping Aran out of her thoughts. "Any objections?" he asked, answered by everyone giving him a thumbs-up sign. Everyone but the rebellious Samus. _

_Commander Malkovich walked down the line of men, inspecting their thumbs-up. The Galactic Federation took their thumbs-up technique very seriously. Adam got to the end of the line, where Samus stood. Nothing._

"_Let me be clearer," Adam said loudly. "Any objections, LADY?" he said mockingly. Samus's expression remained stoic. "Yes," she deadpanned, doing a thumbs-down. She paused for effect. _

_"With your FACE!" she yelled, jabbing her thumb into his face. Adam winced in pain. "Tee hee!" she giggled, flipping him the bird before running out of the room. Anthony didn't stop laughing the whole time._

"No..." Adam shuddered dramatically. "Not like old times...never again..." he said, terrified. "Awww, why not?" Samus whined, oblivious. "Look, just...nevermind," the commander said quickly, leading her over to where the other soldiers were standing.

"Okay, so we need your help. You know that, right?" he asked her. "Psh, of course!" Samus answered, gesturing with her arm cannon. Adam smiled unnervingly. "Weell," he said, holding out a Federation Credit in front of her. The hunter saw from the silver markings that the money was worth 1,000 credits.

Being an underpaid bounty hunter, Samus drooled at the sight. "Ooh!" she exclaimed. "Gimme!" She reached for the credit, but Adam pulled it away. "I'll make you a deal. Help us and you can have it," he offered.

Before he could blink, he felt a metallic hand in his. "Deal!" Samus agreed, shaking on it. "Great!" Adam smiled like a salesman. "Just a few rules! You're not allowed to use morph ball, morph ball bombs, power bombs, missiles, super missiles-"

Samus didn't listen to him, though. She was too busy thinking about how rich she'd be when she got that silver credit. Being a bounty hunter with "noble intentions" meant that people took advantage of her all the time.

Apparently, everybody thought that single-handedly saving the galaxy multiple times didn't warrant a decent payment. Honestly now, some people.

"-the Varia and Gravity suit features, the grapple beam, the space jump, the plasma beam, and the ice beam," Adam concluded. "Basically, you're not allowed to move unless I say so," he summed up.

"Oh, and only you're comm system is still working, so I can bug you whenever I want!" he added cheerfully. "And to everyone else; just roam around until you find something to do, don't die, and have fun!" he commanded. "Any questions?"

Samus, who was standing behind the platoon, raised her hand. "Adam?" The commander narrowed his eyes. "Yes, lady?" he asked.

"...can I breathe now?"

"No."


End file.
